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The Invisible Push: Why We Pull Away When We're Depressed
Faraz Ali
March 11, 2024
Have you ever stopped reaching out to friends because you felt like a burden? Convinced your negativity is contagious? You're not alone. Depression has a sneaky way of turning our inner voice into a cruel critic, making us push away the very people who care.
Here's the truth:
I have nothing interesting to say.
I have nothing positive to say.
I don’t deserve friends.
I can see they’re not enjoying talking to me.
I can hear they’re not enjoying talking to me.
They’re lying to me about liking me. Do they think I can’t tell?
No one is ever going to love me.
I should really give them a break. I’m being so needy.
Good people can make themselves happy. I’m a horrible person.
I shouldn’t subject other people to me.
They’re so nice; they deserve better company than me.
If I leave them alone for a while, maybe they won’t mind so much when they talk to me.
If I save up funny and positive stories, rare as they are, maybe I’ll amuse them. I can just be quiet and keep to myself otherwise.
I’m always the one reaching out. I know they don’t like me; I know why they don’t like me, but why does it have to be so obvious that they don’t?
Why can’t I enjoy anything? If I enjoyed something, I could share that joy and make other people happy too.
If I talk to people, I’ll just depress them.
I always go back to this. If I let people get close to me, they’ll always be exposed to this. I don’t want that for my enemies, much less the people I adore.
People prone to this really shouldn’t make friends. The pain they inflict on other people isn’t fair. It’s selfish of me to want company.
If I talk to this new person, they’re going to discover I’m mentally ill. When they do, they won’t like me anymore.
It’s easier to be alone. When I’m alone, I don’t hurt anyone but me.
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